My version of rayman 1!

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FAB
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My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

Here my first fanfic i posted on the piratecomunity!

It's called "rayman 1". My version,that is........ :lololol:


Introducing the story:


Once,there was a world,then it has been good.
The electoons, which were very attractive pink sphere shapped girls protected their home.They had powers.Thanks to their invisibe ghostly masks.Then one day,no one knew the happing of this event,the great protoon had been kidnappped by a misterous,dangerous enemy called "mister dark".. Then,mister dark spyed on the electoons. Whenever he saw a electoon thats all by herself,he would sneek up to it, then strip her of her invisible mask and inprison her. He repeated this until all of them were powerless and mister dark brainwashed them with a mistereous virus. Betilla was someone else. She tryed to stop mister dark from inprisoning and brainwashing the elsctoon race, but she wasn't strong enough. She got inprisoned too but didn't get the virus so she wasn't under mister dark's control.But even so,with the electoons powerless,the great protoon kidnapped including betilla and mister dark's minions all over the world, it was now in chaos.

However, one electoon hadn't left it's home for days because it was sick. Mister dark didn't check the houses so therefore, this electoon was a surviver! It had it's ivisible mask on,but that would not help her face mister dark and his minions. She was lost, seeing the world in ruins and chaos. She came to a mistreous lake were it has been whispered,anyone who jumps into this lake will become a hero. None of the electoons were brave enough to become different heroes before. But this electoon had no choice if it were for her to be the last of the electoons. Bravely, she jumped into the magic lake. And when she came out.........

She was no longer a she. She was now a he. And he came..........





.......rayman......





I'll start the progoluge soon!
Beebop
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

3 months later...
Jman
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Jman »

Yeah, I want him to post some more.
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

WEll,i thought no one would post here coz no would even care about this.
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

Don't worry, I care, Hunnybun :|
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

Thanks!

Prologue:

Rayman,a limbless guy was born now.From female electoon to male hero.Without admiring his new form,he went back home."Mrrrrrrrr,i'm so new now.Betilla inprosoned,protoon kidnapped and electoons powerless and made into slaves" grunted rayman."Although i bet other people are still safe.I must do what i've been made to do".No rest,he already knew a perfect route to different worlds to reach mister dark's domain.He had a map.And it said:

WORLD 1: THE FOREST
WORLD 2: THe BAND LAND
WORLD 3: THe BLUE MOUNTAINS
WORLD 4: THE SNOWLANDS
WORLD 5: THE CAVES
WORLD 6: THE CANDY CATEAU
WORLD 7: MISTER DARK'S DOMAIN

"well that seems alot" snorted rayman."looks like i'm gonna have to start with THE FOREST then".
Last edited by FAB on Sun Oct 14, 2007 9:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
globox15
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by globox15 »

Image
It's good !
Image
Last edited by globox15 on Mon Jun 11, 2007 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

Thanks!

Chapter 1: into the forest

"alright,so i guess the adventure begins here" said rayman.The trees were very huge and tall as pilliars.Light shone everywhere."i see this is the most peaceful world ever" he grinned,but didn't even take a nap.He scampered along,admiring the singing birds.Suddenly,the ground started shaking.Sileince.Rayman was about to scan the ground when a hand popped out,it was like a zombie rising from it's grave.It turned out to be an antitoon with boxing gloves.Then,more antitoons came out.Some hade boxing gloves,others had laser guns and least had spikey maces.Rayman wasn't surprised but the horde starred at him.Then made a face and slowly walked towards him.Rayman knew this was a fight.And he was ready.

PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! KICK! PUNCH! KICK! PUNCH! PUNCH! KICK! PUNCH!

Antitoons went flying and the others weren't amazed realy.An antitoon armed with a laser gun charged.Rayman ducked as it fired and kicked it.Their were ten remaining.All with spickey maces.Rayman dogded,zigzaged and punched rapidly.Soon,every one was down."that was a bit easy" said rayman.Yup,he won this game.Then a portal apeared and rayman jumped in.

Now he was in a little garden centre."hello rayman" said a voice.It was betilla and she just escaped from mister dark."betilla!I thought you suffered" gasped rayman."well,i'm okay" replied betilla."i'm now going to help you in your quest.Each time we'll meet,i've give you a new power".

She created a energy sphere in each hand of hers and made it into one.It flew and struck rayma on the "O" on his body."now you can create and throw fire balls from your hands" said betilla.Opening a portal,she allowed rayman to leave.
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

Image
Finally, a new chapter in the story. :)
Image
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

CHAPTER 2:
the anguish lagoon

Now rayman just got his first new power from betilla: creating and throwing fireballs with his fists.He looked around.A small river with some collapsed trees were within.Their were some pink flowers aswell.There'll be loads at the pink plant part of this forest.Rayman jumped on a tree wondering what to do.Well,there were tings to be collected.So he ran on the collapsted trees back and forth picking up tings."great" he muttered.A hunter encountered him.He had a potatoe shapped head and was armed with a pistal.He aimed and fired a short speed travelling misile.Rayman ducked and saw that he was not close enough to punch or kick.So he loaded up his fist and it worked.

Rayman walked down following the river,throwing fireballs at nearby antitoons along the way and punching and kicking ten cages he also found.They weren't electoons at were inprisoned.They were red lums.Two hunters were ahead and rayman threw three fireballs at each one before they even attacked.As rayman cleared his way through some wet bushes he saw a jungle hunter.It was an adult and instantly ran away from rayman like a coward the second he saw him."strange" thought rayman.Although,the unter suddenly came back with a spear.Rayman jumped and ducked,but it wasn't very easy dodging the hunter's moves.Rayman threw a fireball to set the hunter on flames.He also saw a plum above the hunter.So he punched it down and it went stuck in the hunter's head!"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"! it moaned.Rayman kicked it once and that was that.




CHAPTER 3: the swamps of forgetfulness

It was dark and stormy here.Lots of wet bushes and indeed it was raining and stormy.Suddenly,a figure popped out.It was rayman's first friend tarazan."hey rayman,let me help ya in your quest for a while" he said."sure" said rayman.The pair went high in the branches travelling from one tree to another.Rayman gluided with his hair(of course) and tarazan climbed from vine to vine.It wasn't all bad round here but nothing seemed to be that amusing yet.They encountered the marshy shrine.The huant of the death of the marshes."well,i suppose the darkness leeds no where but hell" joked rayman.They started clibing vines above the swampy lake.It was a world of alligators and this place,was a hostile!"people forget about these swamps" exclaimed tarazan."thats why legends call them teh forgotten swamps as an example".

"yeah right and these brewing smells are terrible" said rayman."cool it man" said tarazan as they reached the end of the marshy shrine,known as the death of all marshes."not much trouble about here is there?Apart from animals" blinked rayman."not realy" replied tarazan.Besides,what could be more right?well,rayman had other friends about.And tarazan couldn't be with rayman fore long either.

Rayman threw a fireball at a hole in a tree and a portal apeared in it."clever" exclaimed tarazan.The pair went through to the next zone(chapter 4).
Suad_199512
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Suad_199512 »

It's good flyingrabids :D
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

yes, very good
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

Thanks guys!*hugs suad and beebop*They'll be quuiest alot of chapters so i don't realy know if i can finish this fanfic or not.

CHAPTER 4: the canopy

"Alright,now lets go through this one more time" said an antitoon."this canopy cave leads to a secret place".

"right" replied a hunter who was discussing with the antitoon."but why?" snorted the antitoon."well,i-"

PUNCH!PUNCH!The pair were down."good work" smiled tarazan."nothing to it,until later" replied rayman examimg the cave."now we're in a canopy and first we should go through here".And so,yes.Tarazan went in and rayman followed him.They reached a great big chamber with a tree.They climbed it and went through the tree hole and jumped from tree to tree on the way out to the open air again.It was a very calm,peacful place.Luckly,tarazan knew the sfest path to avoid crossing the paths of nearby hunters.Unfortunatly,they encountered a tentakel.It looked nothing more than a yellow tree with an eye and liped mouths.It burped jungle hunters,but not ordinary ones."what the hell"!? bellowed rayman.He punched,but that only made it to more.

One hour later,it exploded.
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Xenon »

Nicely thought through. I haven't played R1 sadly... :?
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

CHAPTER 5: moskito's nest

"it's time i leave" suggested tarazan."bye buddy" said rayman.He waved at him as he swane from vine to vine and vanished in the deep releam.

Rayman jumped into a portal and found himself on top of a steep edge.He jumped down.It was a long way down.Whilst rayman was falling,a strange figure apeared."bwa-hahahahahaha"! shouted the thing as rayman landed and found himself in a nest."I'm MOSKITO!And your going DOWN"! blasted moskito."looks like my first boss encounter has arrived" grunted rayman.

Moskito flew by,and looked as if he was aiming for something.Rayman then relised he was about to sting him with his pointy sting shapped hooter!Rayman avoiding getting stung and punched moskito."arf!You must be ready for andy boss"! roared moskito.He then flew away but kepted his eyes on rayman.Then suddenly zoomed at him like a misiile.Rayman jumped.Moskito did it again.Then rayman ducked.And jumped.And so on.Then moskito flew back to sting again but rayman punched him before he even prepared.Dazzed,moskito repeatly zoomed at rayman like a missile and each time he did this,rayman ducked and jumped to avoid this fast attack.Finally,moskito aimed to sting again.He stung but missed rayman.Rayman punched him(for the third time) and moskito howled."i'll get you for this"! he snarled as he flew away.Rayman tried to stop him but it was too late.He escaped.

A portal fell on rayman and he found himself in betilla's garden again."you just completes your first boss fight rayman.But you'll face him again and you have to keep at your skill" she said."wow,that was fun,but a little tough" blinked rayman.Betilla created a energy sphere in each hand and made it into one.It flew and struck on the "O" on rayman's body.

"now you have the power to load up your fist so the longer you load,the further your fist will travel and come back to you" smiled betilla."bye"! said rayman,diving into the portal beside himself.
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

I can't believe people have not played Rayman 1 yet
FAB
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by FAB »

I've played and completed r1.It was fun. :D


CHAPTER 6: the silver lum

Rayman found himself in a very,very,VERY deep part of the forest.It was like an aybyss.Rayman scampered and saw a statue of himself.What?The electoon didn't know rayman existed yet.So they wouldn't have made that statue.However,there were some carvings that said "made by the protoon".What?How did he predict that rayman would exist to save him from mister dark?Well,it was strange.Very strange.

The rayman statue was holding out a hand.With a silver lum.Rayman had heard about these lums when he was an electoon.He went to the statue and picked the silver lum.

YOINK! A steedy electoon with a sword and laser pistol snatched the lum with his sword.Behind rayman,a hunter with a protosteel talon prowled by."that lum is mine"! the hunter shouted at the lectoon."if you want it then you'll have to feel my wrath first" replied the electoon,aiming with his pistol.He fired a laser.The hunter dogded and swane his talon.But from behind the electoon,a jungle hunter drew his spear and cutted the electoon's laser pistol and swipped the silver lum.

Rayman watched in disgust as the three bad guys fough over the silver lum.Why did a single person want to claim this lum?Rayman swipped the lum and ran away.When he was far enough from the three enemies he loaded up his fist so he could reach the jungle hunter.He was down.The hunter charged after rayman but the electoon didn't move.Rayman kicked the hunter as he was about to act and threw a fireball at the electoon to confuse it.Then he ran hard with the silver lum.
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

Very good...
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Phoenixan »

I'm not entirely sure I like the format, but that was your choice for script format. It doesn't exactly follow close with the game either...

Those were your choices of style though, and there's nothing wrong with that. Mainly, the thing I'd recommend is a little more detail and a better flow of actions possibly. ^^;
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Re: My version of rayman 1!

Post by Beebop »

I think it should be put into larger chunks, rather than just several sections.
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