Quotes
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Red Dwarf quotes!
Lister Quotes
Rimmer: "I used to be in the Samaritans."
Lister: "I know. For one morning."
Rimmer: "I couldn't take any more."
Lister: "I don't blame you. You spoke to five people and they all committed suicide. I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number! He only phoned up for the cricket scores!"
"I tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle."
"Your nickname was never 'Ace'! Maybe 'Ace-hole'."
"'Mister Arnold' isn't his name. His name's 'Rimmer'. Or 'Smeghead'. Or 'Dinosaur Breath' or 'Molecule Mind'. And on a really special occasion when you want to be really mega-polite to him, Kryten, we're talking MEGA-polite, in those exceptional circumstances you can call him 'arse hole'. "
Rimmer Quotes
"Look, just because it's an armour-plated alien killing machine that salivates unspeakable slobber doesn't mean it's a bad person. What we've got to do is get it round a table and put together a solution package - perhaps over tea and biscuits."
" Broadcast on all frequencies and all known languages, including Welsh. "
"I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy."
Steps up to the bar.
"Dry white wine and Perrier, please ."
"My brain's rebelled.It just won't accept nice things happening to me."
"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign."
Rimmer: "Do you think it's because the sub-space conduits have locked with the transponder calibrations and caused a major tachyon surge that has overloaded the time matrix?"
Kryten: "Ah, no, sir. I've just been jabbing it too hard."
" No look, I'm you from the future. I've come to warn you that in 3 million years you'll be dead! "
"You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots and you think that's un-amiss?"
"Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit. I'm alive! "
"Erm, I think we're losing sight of the real issue here, which is 'What are we gonna call ourselves?' Erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between 'The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is 'The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is 'CLITORIS'."
"Well, we know what to get you for Christmas. A double labotomy and six rolls of rubber wallpaper. "
Cat Quotes
" Stop! Stop! No more. I'm not moving another yard on this thing. I'm getting a parting in the back of my head! "
" Okay! But don't come running to me the next time you need someone to play Soap-Sud-Slalom down the cargo ramp. You can carry your own damn flags! "
"How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep!."
Cat: "Hey, I got it! We laser our way through!?"
Kryten: "Ah, an excellent suggestion, Sir, with just two minor drawbacks. One, we don't have a power source for the lasers, and two, we don't have any lasers."
" I'm so gorgeous, there's a six month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear, every time I am near! "
"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."
Kryten Quotes
" We could go back to Dallas in November 1963, stand on the grassy knoll, and shout 'Duck!' "
" Starbug was built to last sir. This old baby's crashed more times than a ZX81. "
"An excellent and inventive suggestion, sir, with just two tiny drawbacks: a) We don't have any jet-powered rocket pants; and b) there's no such thing as jet-powered rocket pants outside the fictional serial "Robbie Rocket Pants"."
Kryten: "Garbled, confusing and quite frankly duller than an in-flight magazine produced by Air Belgium!"
Kryten: "But if people see my face, what are they going to think?"
Rimmer: "Tell them you had an accident. Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out."
"I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal column. That sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day. "
Kochanski quotes
"Let's at least ask someone who's at least going to give us a slightly more intelligent opinion. Hello, wall! What do you think? "
Holly Quotes
" Time is a great healer. Unless it's a rash, then you're better off with ointment. "
" Well, the thing about a black hole - it's main distinguishing feature - is it's black. And the thing about space, your basic space colour is black. So how are you supposed to see them? "
"An IQ of 6? Do me a lemon! That's a poor IQ for a glass of water! "
"Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. "
Lister Quotes
Rimmer: "I used to be in the Samaritans."
Lister: "I know. For one morning."
Rimmer: "I couldn't take any more."
Lister: "I don't blame you. You spoke to five people and they all committed suicide. I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number! He only phoned up for the cricket scores!"
"I tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle."
"Your nickname was never 'Ace'! Maybe 'Ace-hole'."
"'Mister Arnold' isn't his name. His name's 'Rimmer'. Or 'Smeghead'. Or 'Dinosaur Breath' or 'Molecule Mind'. And on a really special occasion when you want to be really mega-polite to him, Kryten, we're talking MEGA-polite, in those exceptional circumstances you can call him 'arse hole'. "
Rimmer Quotes
"Look, just because it's an armour-plated alien killing machine that salivates unspeakable slobber doesn't mean it's a bad person. What we've got to do is get it round a table and put together a solution package - perhaps over tea and biscuits."
" Broadcast on all frequencies and all known languages, including Welsh. "
"I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy."
Steps up to the bar.
"Dry white wine and Perrier, please ."
"My brain's rebelled.It just won't accept nice things happening to me."
"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign."
Rimmer: "Do you think it's because the sub-space conduits have locked with the transponder calibrations and caused a major tachyon surge that has overloaded the time matrix?"
Kryten: "Ah, no, sir. I've just been jabbing it too hard."
" No look, I'm you from the future. I've come to warn you that in 3 million years you'll be dead! "
"You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots and you think that's un-amiss?"
"Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit. I'm alive! "
"Erm, I think we're losing sight of the real issue here, which is 'What are we gonna call ourselves?' Erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between 'The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is 'The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is 'CLITORIS'."
"Well, we know what to get you for Christmas. A double labotomy and six rolls of rubber wallpaper. "
Cat Quotes
" Stop! Stop! No more. I'm not moving another yard on this thing. I'm getting a parting in the back of my head! "
" Okay! But don't come running to me the next time you need someone to play Soap-Sud-Slalom down the cargo ramp. You can carry your own damn flags! "
"How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep!."
Cat: "Hey, I got it! We laser our way through!?"
Kryten: "Ah, an excellent suggestion, Sir, with just two minor drawbacks. One, we don't have a power source for the lasers, and two, we don't have any lasers."
" I'm so gorgeous, there's a six month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear, every time I am near! "
"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."
Kryten Quotes
" We could go back to Dallas in November 1963, stand on the grassy knoll, and shout 'Duck!' "
" Starbug was built to last sir. This old baby's crashed more times than a ZX81. "
"An excellent and inventive suggestion, sir, with just two tiny drawbacks: a) We don't have any jet-powered rocket pants; and b) there's no such thing as jet-powered rocket pants outside the fictional serial "Robbie Rocket Pants"."
Kryten: "Garbled, confusing and quite frankly duller than an in-flight magazine produced by Air Belgium!"
Kryten: "But if people see my face, what are they going to think?"
Rimmer: "Tell them you had an accident. Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out."
"I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal column. That sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day. "
Kochanski quotes
"Let's at least ask someone who's at least going to give us a slightly more intelligent opinion. Hello, wall! What do you think? "
Holly Quotes
" Time is a great healer. Unless it's a rash, then you're better off with ointment. "
" Well, the thing about a black hole - it's main distinguishing feature - is it's black. And the thing about space, your basic space colour is black. So how are you supposed to see them? "
"An IQ of 6? Do me a lemon! That's a poor IQ for a glass of water! "
"Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. "
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